miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
