You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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