Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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