she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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