Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
