Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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