Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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