By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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