I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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