he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize