You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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