I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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