My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
