Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize