I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
