is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize