Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
