Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
