You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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