just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
