if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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