i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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