She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Still dying that you shit outside
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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