Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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