Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
