who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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