hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
