New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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