Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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