Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
