She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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