please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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