1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize