i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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