I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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