Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
