My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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