Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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