how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
