I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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