Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just pee around me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
