did you get engaged???
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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