i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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