Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i need to put some appletini on your dick
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
A+ Viking dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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