come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
