Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
