She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
