is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
