Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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