it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
