M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
