Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
