Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
