I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
