you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
