she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
