Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
