if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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