I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
