I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
