I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
