All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
