you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
