the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
