Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I deserve this hangover.
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