well you can't waste a boner
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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