I wish I could teleport
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
