I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
