I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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