We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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