i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
