He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
